What do you want to do in life?

We had an online questionnaire to do with our 6 and 7 year olds. I read the questions and the child had to decide wether it was yes or no. Here are some of the questions and answers.
'Do you know how to make your self a better reader?'
'wear my glassess'
'Do you know what to do if someone bullies you?'
'Yes hit em back!'
'Do you know what you want to be when you grow up?'
'Yep a dad'
'Draw on papers like my dad'
'Be a cafe waitress'
'Do you want to go to university'
'yes'
'But do you know what university is?
'Yes a planet!'
'Do you know how to make yourself better at Maths?'
'Yes really look at the numbers'

It was hilarious, I just love kids!

Right angles

We were working on 'right angles' in class. One of the questions which had to be answered was 'What is a right angle?' Children to write a few sentences explaining. One little boy came up to me and had almost finished his work apart from this question. He didn't know what to write. I asked him to tell me what a right angle was. He said 'Well it can be a right angle or a left angle!' I said 'Well  that doesn't make sense and if I was an alien from another planet I certainly wouldn't know what a right angle was from that explanation. I said 'Pretend I am an alien, what could you say to me?' He said 'Well you are green and you have 8 legs!'

I give up! haha!

It's raining miss!

I have always been amazed at the choice of words children come up with. On Thursday on leaving the staffroom I bumped into a small year 3 boy. The children had been sent in due to the downpour of rain.

'Hello Adam, how are you today?'

'Hello Mrs. P. yeah am alright....oh my god it's pissing down out there!'

'Erm Adam can you think of a better word than that?'

'Oh right, yeah it's raining!'

'Thank you that is so much better!'

Hate dancing but can do brilliant cartwheels

A teacher told me this story the other day. He was about to do PE with his class of 7 year olds. One little boy asked what they would be doing. Teacher explained that they would be doing 'dance'.
 Little boys face dropped and he said 'My leg hurts'
Teacher said 'Am sure it will be fine'
'But it really hurts' said the little boy.
'You really will be fine once we get upstairs and do our dancing, now go and line up at the door!'
With that the little boy cartwheeled to the door. So much for a poorly leg!

Bugger please

During a guided reading session we were reading a book where a little boy has supper. I have several children with English as an additional language so I asked if they knew what supper was. One little boy didn't know so I explained that we sometimes have something to eat before bed and we call that supper. He then got excited and said 'I have supper!'
'Oh what do you have?' I asked.
'I have bugger!'
'What? bugger??'
'Yes!!! I have bugger!'
I was getting a bit worried so I asked him again.
'What's bugger?'
'You know Mrs P bugger and chips!'
The penny dropped! He meant burger! Oh dear I think we need to work on our ur sounds!

mmm lovely menu

Back the Royal Wedding again, we were discussing in a class of 6/7year olds what would be a good Wedding Breakfast. The children had to design a 3 course menu. I asked one little girl what could we have for the main course.

She said 'Fish and Chips!'

I said 'That might not be the best thing for a posh wedding, but we could have fish. Can you tell me a name of a fish (I am thinking cod, haddock, salmon, tuna)?'
She said 'Nemo'
Well I suppose if you ask a stupid question then she was perfectly correct with her answer. I don't however, fancy Nemo and chips for my dinner!

Royal family

With the impending Royal Wedding on Friday where all us British folk get a days holiday, we decided to use this wonderful learning opportunity to teach a bit of history. Lots of questions were asked of the children and we had some lovely answers.

'Who rules our country?'
'God'

'How do you get a prince?'
'When something marries a queen?'

'What is she wearing on her head?' (pointing to the crown)
'A hat'

Our younger children got a bit obsessed with death after being told that Princess Diana had died. With each member of the Royal family that was shown on the whiteboard the children were asking...
'Is she dead?'
'Is he dead?'

Another staff member mentioned that in her class they had some lovely prince names, including 'Prince Colin'!

I am looking forward to more stories tomorrow.

Triangles are green

We were working on shapes with our 5 year olds. One of the games was to hide a shape and show a bit of it at a time to the children and they had to guess what the shape was. The idea being that they had to work out how many sides, corners etc. The class teacher was hiding the shape behind the board and she showed a bit at a time. A little girl whispered to me...

'I know what it is'

'Ooo what is it?'

'It's a triangle'

'Brilliant but how do you know?'

She looked at me as if I am stupid and rolled her eyes

'Well because it's green!'

So beware if you see a green shape then it has just got to be a triangle!

100 years or 2000 years what's the difference?

Our class went on a visit to a museum. It is a museum of 'real life' so basically everything that was used in the home up until the present day. Eg. washing machines, irons, wedding dresses etc. Part of the museum is an old Victorian street with lots of shops. It is very authentic and lit with gas lighting. We went into a sweet shop where the lady was explaining how to get sugar out of sugar cane. Next to her was a massive cake, beautifully iced. It was obviously iced for royalty or the very rich.
'Who do you think this cake is for?' she asked.
lots of blank faces...then a little lad's hand shot up.
'I know, I know'
'Oh good who?' said the lady.
'BABY JESUS!'

Oh dear, nevermind he was close. 100 year or 2000 years there isn't THAT much difference is there?

Nativity fun

Nativities always bring fun, laughter and tears. I remember one Christmas where we had quite a naughty boy in our class. Parents, Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles were watching their little ones with tears in their eyes.  So proud of their offspring. The children were nervous, excited and trying hard to remember their lines. Anyway this little boy was a sheep. I was in charge of the area behind the crib so I had all the lines ready to prompt any child that had forgotten. All was going really well until this little boy started getting a bit bored. I looked up from my script and there he was IN the crib. He had yanked baby Jesus out and tossed him to one side and climbed into the crib himself. It was very frustrating because he was just out of poking distance so I couldn't get too him without making a huge fuss. Eventually I managed to give him the look (any teacher or TA will know what that is) and he jumped out and put Jesus back. We did all have a laugh afterwards but at the time it was a matter of 'The show must go on'...regardless of who was in the crib...sheep or Jesus!

Your d is the wrong way round

During phonics the children were writing words with the letter 'd'. I noticed one of my younger children aged 5 had written 'b' instead. I pointed out that his spelling was great but just to look carefully at that letter (pointing at the 'b') Is that the right way to write a 'd'? Could it be the wrong way round do you think? His reply...

'Oh shit!'

Underbrella

I was working with a small group of children and we were looking at some picture cards and discussing what we could see. I pointed to a girl holding an umberella.

'What is this?'

'It's a underbrella!'

Now I think that is a much more sensible word for an umberella.

It's a toilet roll obviously

The teacher was teaching the class about 3d shapes. She held up a several shapes and the children were very good and saying what the shape was. She then held up a cylinder and asked...
'What shape is this?'
A child put his hand up and said 'It's a toilet roll!'

Well it is isn't it when you think about it.

Garlic reading

A child rushed excitedly up to the class teacher and asked 'Are we doing garlic reading today?'
She meant guided reading.

Questionation mark

During guided reading I had been teaching the children about exclamation marks and question marks. A few days later I was doing a guided reading group and a  6 year old boy in my group got very excited when he saw a  'questionation mark' It was infact an exclamation mark! I had to bite my lip to stop from laughing and praised him for nearly getting it right.

It's so sunny

During my phonics session with year 2s, the children were looking at the IWB. One little boy said to me 'Please can I get my glasses?'
'Of course you can' I replied (but also quite concerned because I didn't know he wore glasses)
 'Where are your glasses?'
 'They are in my drawer'
'Right go and get them then'
 I continued with my lesson. I looked down at the little boy and there he is sitting looking intently at the Whiteboard with massive black sunglasses on. 
 'I dont think they are reading glasses are they?'
He smiled and said 'No they are for when it is sunny'
'Well it isnt sunny now is it? Put them back in your drawer!'
He had obviously got some new sunglasses and wanted to make use of them.

Big is so much easier

During a spelling test I read a sentence with the word large in it then said I want you to write the word 'large'

A little six year old boy looked at me with a puzzled expression on his face and said very seriously...
'Can't I just write 'big?'

It would be so much easier wouldn't it?

Use your letter names

I have been trying to get the children to actually say letter names instead of sounds when spelling a word out loud during my phonics lessons.
 A little lad (aged 6) came up to me and said Jake just called me a k...n...o...b head.
Brilliant use of letter names but I did find it difficult to keep a straight face.

So tiring

The children had white boards and pens and had to see how many times they could write their name in a minute. When the minute was up a little lad looked up at the teacher and said 'God I'm knackered!

Too noisy

This story was told to me. There were two schools in our downstairs hall practising for a music competition. Lots of instruments played somewhat badly. It was extremely loud. When it stopped one of the Reception children (aged 4) said...

'Thank god that shit has stopped!'

Oh dear not a good choice of words there!

Who is Mary?

We were introducing our Christmas songs to go with the nativity play to our children.
When asked 'Who is mary?'
A child put his hand up and said....'Mary Christmas!

Why not? Sounds good to me.

WOW ears!

During Literacy we were working on 'WOW' words. Children had to think of interesting words to use when describing things. Our group were describing a tiger. I was scribing for the children.
One child said 'It's got small ears!'
'Yes it has well done, but can you think of a more interesting word than small?'
'It's got WOW ears!'

A bag of duff

At playtime a little child (with speech problems) came up to me and said...

'Mrs. P can I have a bag?'

'A bag?'

'Yes a bag of duff'

'Duff?'

'Yes duff'

Child points to the playground equipment 'Yes duff'

'Oh you mean stuff!'

It brought a smile to my face.

Dikes?

I was running the KS1 Level 3 Reading comprehension test. It was about the Netherlands. Non fiction text telling the children all about the Netherlands, dikes, flooding, windmills etc.

One of the questions was something like 'How did the villagers stop their village flooding?'

Child answered 'by having big dicks' (dikes)

She continued throughout the whole paper including the fiction part by talking about 'dicks'

I come by plane

We have a very serious little girl aged 5 in our class. She doesnt smile much and seems quite mature for her age. We were looking at a 'chicken' poem today and putting actions to it. Anyway she very seriously looked at me and said

'I have seen lots of chickens hatch'
'Oh that's nice' 'Where have you seen them?'
'On my farm. I live on a farm'
'Oh I didn't know that, where is your farm? Do you come to school by car or do you walk?'
Girl looks at me straight in the eyes and said 'I come by plane' She nearly had me there, I believed all the farm story. What a sucker I am.

No smoking

I was working with my numeracy group and I gave them number cards to pick from a pile. Their objective was to be able to add two numbers. I told them I was going to write a rule on the board. Before I had chance to explain about the rule one little chap shouted out very seriously.
'Are you going to write NO SMOKING?'
What I actually meant by a rule was +5. So that every number card they picked they would have to add 5 to it. It is amazing how children think and how you must think carefully about what you say so that it doesn't get misinterpretted.

Give them a headbutting

I am not sure whether I think this is very funny or a bit sad really.

I had a class of 5 and 6 year olds for PSHE/SEAL.

We were looking at problems and at what we wanted to achieve. I gave them scenarios, for example. You are hungry, your friend leaves her chocolate bar on the table and goes out what do you do?

Obviously the result would be to get some of that chocolate but not to upset your friend. The children came out with really sensible suggestions

Ask your friend if she will share it with you?

Ask your friend if she will give you it?

Anyway next scenario

What would you do if someone pushes you?

Lots of great solutions, go and tell teacher, walk away, ignore, then...

One little lad came out with 'I would headbutt them'

go t' ginning

A 7 year old boy was reading his book in guided reading. I was tuning into another child and noticed out of the corner of my eye that he had skipped to the last page....

'You couldn't possibly have read all that book!' 

 'I did miss' 

 'No sorry there is no way you have read it all'

The child (realising he had been rumbled) said 'Oh man! does that mean Ive got t' go t' ginning?'

Do you want their names?

We are doing Maths assessments this week and I had two little girls (aged 5) sitting with me to do theirs. I had to read the questions and they worked out and wrote the answers.

One was a pictogram about children in a class and the times they went to bed. One of the questions was 'How many children go to bed at 8:00pm?'

One little girl looked at me very seriously and said 'Do you want their names?' I would have been mighty impressed if she knew their names too from looking at the pictogram.

Fireworks are more interesting

I was working with a class of 5 year olds on the 'qualities' of being a good friend. I had made a poster with bubbles for them to think of words to describe a good friend, for example... fun, caring, playful, happy and they had to work in groups to complete the task. One little girl came up to me and said....

'Mrs P can I do fireworks instead?'

Obviously fireworks are far more interesting!

A box

I was working with a large group of children on shapes. I had a bag with just a few shapes in. A square, triangle, circle and rectangle. We talked about the sides and corners, played loads of guessing games by feeling the shapes in the bag. Practised the names of all the shapes over and over and over again. I then held up a square and asked one little box what was the name of this shape....his reply....

'A box!'

Granddad is on the moon

We were making family trees in our class and I was working with a 5 year old girl. We established that she had a sister in her mum's tummy, a mum and a dad. We then got onto granddads and grandmas.

'I have a nanna'
'Oh good let's write nanna then'
'Do you have a grandad then?'
'NO'
'Oh why?'
'He died'
'Oh I am sorry about that'

She then looked up at the ceiling, sighed and said...

'He is on the moon now.'

Rub it out

I was working in the computer room with a large group of 5 year olds. They hadn't been on the computers very much. I had to show them a new program and what I wanted them to do on the IWB. They had to make a label with their name on it and decorate it. It was very stressful when they started because they all wanted some help. I was helping one little boy who had done something wrong. I said to him we needed to find the rubber so we could rub it out.  With that a whiteboard rubber was thrust in my face. A little girl had heard me and gone off to find one. She proceeded to try and rub out the computer screen.

Counting in Chinese

I had a little group for numeracy and we were doubling. We threw a dice and then doubled the number using cubes. One of the objectives was to count in twos so I asked if there was any other way of counting the cubes. Could we count them differently?

One little boy came out with ...

'We could count them in Chinese Mrs P'

I did keep a straight face but to be honest if you ask a stupid question then you have to accept the answer you are given.

Fairy godmother

I was teaching PSHE and we were working on special people to us. I asked all the children if they could bring in a photograph of someone special to them. One little girl showed me a picture of a lady. I asked who it was. She said its my fairy godmother aww.

Walking out

I was doing a maths assessment with year twos yesterday. One of the questions said something like...

Lollipops cost 5p each. How much would you spend if you bought 6 lollipops?
Show your working out.

I looked at one little girl's sheet and she had drawn a lovely picture of a girl with hair, lovely fingers on each hand. Very detailed! I asked what she had drawn and why she hadn't answered the question or shown her working out!

'OH Mrs P I thought it said show you walking out!'

Aliens

I have a little lad in my numeracy group aged 7. Anyway he said to me in a very very serious voice

'Mrs P, do you know something?'

 'What's that?' 

 'In 2002 I was an Alien!'

I felt slightly scared and my legs quivered he was so serious and really believed had been an alien a few years ago.

Teeny writing

I went through my numeracy groups homework folders to see if their parents had signed the sheet I had made to tell me if they had done their home work. One little girl hadn't had any of the homeworks signed so I said I would have to have a word with her mum...I am thinking she isn't taking it home

Anyway she said to me

'But Mrs P, my mum only writes really really small and you just can't see it!!!!'

She is 6!!!! Pull the other one!

Naughty dog

At the end of a numeracy session I was going through a lovely file for them all to take home with all the resources they will need over the coming weeks.

I was giving them the talk about how you had to do the homework and that the file MUST come back to school everyday just like their reading folders.

One little girl said 'What if we don't bring it back'

I said 'You HAVE to bring it back'

She said 'But what if I can't bring it back?'

I said 'Why wouldnt you bring it back?'

She said 'What if your dog eats it?'

I said 'Why would your dog eat it?'

she said 'My dog always eats things'

Swearing on the playground

It was my turn for playground duty and two little 5 year old girls came running upto me gasping to be the first one to speak.

'Miss miss, she said a swear word!!!'

'No I didnt'
'Yeah you did'

'No I didn't I only said Arse miss!'

You make me faint

A little boy said to me today

'Mrs P. you really make me faint!'
'Faint?'
'Yes you make me faint when I come in your group'
I was a little worried about making this child feel faint!
'I don't really understand what you mean about feeling faint, can you use another word?'
'I just love being in your group you make me happy'

Aww he's only 5. Still not too sure what he meant by 'faint'.

The free cicks

One little girl got mixed up with her 'ck' and 'ng' we had worked on them quite close together in our phonics sessions so...whilst writing the christmas story yesterday she wrote...

'the free cicks folowd the sdar'

A train set behind the altar

We took the class for a visit to the church. The vicar asked the children what they thought was behind the altar.

One little lad put his hand up and said a train set!
Well why not? What on earth are they thinking when they come out with things like this. It certainly had us creased with laughter.

To sing or not to sing

During my phonics intervention we were doing the 'ng' sound. I wrote some words on my whiteboard. Song, sing and got the children to read them. I then said we were singing some songs this morning weren't we? Little lad said 'No!'

I said 'Yes we were!'

He said 'No we didnt'

I said 'Yes in assembly we were singing our christmas songs!'

He said 'I dont remember'

So I had the book with all the songs in it and I burst into song and I sang the song to them. After I had finished I expected a round of applause but instead one little girl said to me

'Mrs P DO you think we could get on with our work now?'

She is only 5

Last time I do any singing

Pretend money

A little girl  (5) brought me some pretend money to pay for her school dinner. When I did the register I asked her if she was sure this was the money her mum wanted to give me and she said yes and explained that her brother had brought some too. She was absolutely adament that her mum had sent this plastic money. So what could I do except send it to the office to pay for her dinner. Would loved to have seen the look on their faces.

Jellibles

At the end of my phonics session I always do somesort of game to finish off. I have been clapping syllables...little lad said to me today...

"Mrs P please can we always do those Jellibles? I love it!"

Oh no it's wriggly!

One little girl aged 5 was waiting for her mum. One of the students asked the little girl what her mum looked like. She described her mum has having black wriggly hair.

A left angle

My friend who supports years 5 and 6 was working with a year 6 girl today. They were looking at angles. My friend pointed to a right angle and explained it was a right angle.
"Can you think of any other names for angles?"
"Come on think about it we have been doing them all week"
After a lot of prompting the girl came out with "A left angle?"

Jack and the Beanstalk

The children had to write a list describing the giant in Jack and the Beanstalk. They then had to write a few sentences (Year ones)

One little boy did his list....then proceeded to write. Before he put pen to paper I reminded them of the fact that although the word 'giant' sounded like it began with a /j/ it did actually start with a 'g'.

This is what he wrote...

'My git is big.'

Montana bay for the weekend

I put out activities first thing and all the children were busy. One little girl had been on holiday and she was telling me about it. Another little girl who is known for 'wonderful stories' came up to me and told me she had been away for the weekend (she is five).

"I went to the beach Mrs P "

"Oh lovely did you go to Bridlington or Scarborough? "

"Oh no Mrs P "

"Where did you go then? "

"Montana Bay"

"Oh lovely!"

"How did you get there?"

"By aeroplane, it took a long time and we got some surf boards and went surfing in the ocean. "

Oh my the imagination there!

Because it's raining

I was reading a book with a little boy (aged 5). It was about a football match...his passion. 

We were looking at a picture of Mum who was very very angry on the sidelines of the football pitch. Dad was stood there on the football pitch. He was playing and the referee was showing him a yellow card.

My question.
'Why is mum so angry do you think?'
Little boy studies picture for ages and ages and then says very seriously
'Well because it is raining!'

Silly me and there was I thinking it was because the ref had showed dad a yellow card!